Why ‘Mr Nice Guy’ Never Gets The Girl
“If she wants a guy who is going to cheat on her and treat her badly, that’s up to her.”
“I’m a nice guy but the girls just aren’t interested.”
“Being a nice guy doesn’t get me anywhere…maybe I should start treating girls badly to win them over.”
These are all genuine quotes that I’ve heard guys say before, and the first issue that needs to be addressed is this: girls never, and I repeat NEVER want guys to cheat on them and treat them badly. That is utter nonsense. I’m not denying that there seems to be a positive correlation between being a ‘bad boy’ and having success with the ladies – however, I actually don’t think it’s their ‘bad qualities’ that get them the girls. There’s a lot more to it – and in fact there are several positive characteristics that ‘bad boys’ possess which are absent from the psyche of ‘Mr Nice Guy.’ This article isn’t meant to be a dig at the nice guys; it simply stands as my personal philosophy as to why the ‘bad boys’ of this world seem to have so much luck with the ladies and what the nice guys are doing wrong.
1) Be cautious using the word ‘nice’
Guys, have you ever said: “I’m really nice” or “I’m a nice guy” or worst of all: “I’m Mr Nice Guy”?
If you are guilty of saying any of the above – Stop. Stop right there, because you have committed a fatal error. So, what’s wrong with ‘nice’? Well, let’s put it this way, the comforting warmth of thermal bed socks in winter is ‘nice,’ my Nan’s apple cake is ‘nice,’ and not to mention, I’m sure Paul Daniels is ‘nice.’ There’s no problem with being nice; nice is good, but it’s just not very sexy. Girls don’t want someone in a sequin jacket who’s good at pulling rabbits out of hats. In the same way that they don’t want someone who is forty years old, still lives with his Mother and spends his days painting Warhammer statues – although I’m sure he is ‘nice’ too.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s bad to be nice – that would be ludicrous – it’s just that some guys have a misunderstanding of how to use the word. It’s not because you are ‘nice’ that you aren’t getting the girls, it’s because you’re openly defining yourself as unsexy by overstressing your ‘niceness.’
Harry Enfield’s famous characters ‘Tim Nice But Dim’ and ‘Smashie and Nicey’ brilliantly symbolise the lack of sex appeal that the word ‘nice’ equates to. Think about it this way, do you like it when a girl says to you: “Aw you’re such a nice guy” or would you prefer them to say: “You’re really hot and I’d love to go out with you”? Exactly. So this is the prime reason why you’re not doing any favours by over-emphasizing how nice you are.
Have you ever had a girl confess to you: “You’re a really nice guy, but I only see you as a friend?” Painful…and probably because you’ve got that ‘nice guy’ image in her head.
So my advice is this: just chill out a bit, and stop calling yourself ‘nice’. If you are a decent guy, we’ll be able to see that ourselves, we don’t need you to name it and frame it.
2) Confidence (or lack of)
Whether physically attractive or not, a quality that successful ‘bad boys’ always seems to possess is inflated confidence and it’s a fact – confidence is VERY attractive. I know plenty of nice guys who are extremely good looking, but it’s their lack of confidence that lets them down completely (as well as the fact that they are just too scared to talk to girls). Most of us don’t bite, trust me. To put it bluntly, a woman doesn’t want a guy who shuffles into a bar nervously gripping onto his cuffs with sweaty palms whilst his head points to the ground and shoulders hunch forward – but we’ll get onto body language later.
So why exactly do we love confidence so much? Well, if we consider basic human evolution – it is clear that our intelligence has developed tremendously over millions of years, however, surprisingly, our basic emotional needs have not changed that much at all. Many years ago, humans used to live in small tribes and it was the alpha male of the group (who displayed the greatest power and leadership) who would have the choice of which woman he wanted to ‘breed with’. The woman chosen would consider this a massive benefit as she would have sought the ‘mate’ with the strongest survival characteristics in the first place (so she could pass these onto her children).
Now, times have changed significantly, and there is no longer a need to find a male in order to survive. However, women are still incredibly attracted to men who display dominant characteristics and are symbolically strong, assertive, alpha males. A woman likes to feel protected, and something that self-confessed nice guys seem to massively lack is assertiveness.
The solution to this problem is more than a large injection of testosterone and a surgical insertion of a backbone. I guess that ‘Mr Nice Guy’ just needs to ‘man up,’ and not feel queasy at the thought of a social interaction with a woman. I’m not going to state that what women want is a ‘bad boy’ – as I definitely don’t want someone who is self-centered, unfaithful, selfish and dishonest, but instead we just want a decent guy who isn’t afraid to act strong and be a man.
3) Body Language
So let’s briefly touch the topic of body language. ‘Bad boys’ have this thing called ‘swagger’ – it’s not just about how they walk; it’s their attitude and how they dress, talk and act. The ‘decent guy’ can have ‘swagger’ too – it’s about having an attractive, justified confidence. So in terms of showing ‘swagger’ through body language – entrance is everything. I have already described – to put it mildly – the cuff-gripping socially inept geek. That’s what not to do…in addition to keeping the body as small and restricted/enclosed as possible, avoiding eye contact, ‘fiddling’ with clothing and other fumbling gestures that indicate a nervous disposition.
‘Bad boys’ are so confident that they can make women swoon using their confidence alone. They enter a room, and will confidently walk up to any woman, without fear of rejection. If you find it hard to approach women – you need to change this.
I could talk about body language for hours – but this time I’m going to keep it limited to ‘the perfect entrance.’ So, shoulders and back are relaxed, don’t look down when you walk, head up, good eye contact and walk with confidence – slow big steps rather than a frantic shuffle. Hands out of pockets – and then when you meet someone, don’t be afraid to touch (although don’t take this statement to the extreme).
Conclusion – ‘The Decent Guy’
In summary, girls don’t want a guy who treats a woman like an object, is scared of the term monogamy and is a symbol of selfishness. However, at the same time, they don’t want a clingy guy who has no awareness of his own identity, can’t think for himself and is an absolute doormat. The decent guy has a mix of qualities – the positive ones that are associated with ‘the bad boy’ as well as some of ‘Mr Nice Guy’s’ favoured assets.
Chivalry still works wonders – yes open the door for her, buy her a drink, send her flowers and show ‘romantic gestures.’ However, don’t be a dribbling mess every time you see a good looking girl and put her on a pedestal – have some self-respect and most importantly (and obviously), BE A MAN.
Now I know I talked about animal instincts and what women really want – but this doesn’t mean you have to turn into Neanderthal man and drag a woman back into your house by her hair. Just try and display strong masculine characteristics rather than adopting a weaker role. In general, girls aren’t that keen on role reversal, and like to feel protected by the man they’re with rather than feeling they have to look up ‘self-defence’ on youtube before a night out.
Girls want someone strong, assertive, opinionated and not afraid to take charge. The problem with being ‘nice’ is that nice often equates to boring. Look up ‘nice’ in the dictionary – it comes up with the description of being ‘pleasant,’ ‘agreeable,’ and ‘respectable’ – these are all adjectives that would fittingly describe your Nan. So boys, try and be a little unpredictable, talk less, listen more, embrace your masculinity, don’t be a desperate sad act and…please don’t cry.